Update by Photo

Graduation April 2012

Celebrated my Pops BDay at Texas Road House. He road the "Bull"!

Got hooked to planting stuff. Which is difficult because I don't have a yard! But I think I may have a green thumb...hopefully.

Chilled with my little sister!

Chris shaved his beard and we ate Cafe Rio!

an end of an era...finally!

So next month I graduate from the LDS Business College. It is the end of an era!

First of all, when I left high school, over 10 yrs. ago, I didn't want to go to college. I hated school, why would I want to continue my education?! I went to college anyway and while I learned a lot about myself and life, I still didn't want to be in school. So, I left and went to work. 

In high school I had attended a Vocational program the last two years of high school. I went into a program that allowed me to work in an office. This program helped me to learn professional skills. I have worked since high school and have a pretty good living without a college degree.  I worked in an office while in High School and have been an Administrative Assistant since then. I worked up the "ranks"; for a year I was a Director of Administration and, after a period of priorization of my priorities; I stepped away from the position of Director and I am now an Executive Coordinator. I have made a good living for no extended education. 

After a while, I felt that I should probably get an education. I felt I had hit a ceiling in the Administration field and I didn't think I wanted to be an Secretary for the rest of my life. I started going to school part-time back in 2005. I would work full time and then take a class here and there. In 2009, I got really serious, I wanted to finish this portion of my education. 

There are many reasons why I hated school in my younger life; but one of the biggest things that made me dislike school was the fact that I had learning disabilities.  I didn't know how to deal with them; especially with math...aka. my arch - enemy while in high school.  I was nervous about what I could actually do.  It is horrible to allow your fear of failure overcome you so much that you fail by default because you didn't even try.  So when I realized that I actually wanted to finish my education and I was ready to take the education and myself seriously; I literally felt like a fire was lit under my butt! 

:-)

Well, after going to school part time and debating what program to go into, I am now going to graduate with my Associate of Applied Science in General Studies, with Honors.  Part of me puts this effort down, "it's only my Associates...yada yada yada."  But when I really think about this, I am proud of myself, not in a conceited way, but proud that even though I was fearful, I overcame. Even though I had felt like I was a horrible student, I am graduating with Honors!  I feel a sense of peace.

I know what I would like to do next, I would like to go into Sociology or Psychology.  I do know that I do not want to go part time. I don't know which school or when I will pursue the next phase of my education, BUT I feel like I am over the first mountain and even though I have made my journey harder then it needed to be, I am still thankful for the gift of the path presented to me. 

life is good, even though it's not perfect

Life is good. Today I have been thinking about all of the blessings in my life. Really there are to many to mention in this post, but the one blessing in my life I will talk about is Christopher.  Christopher has been the best thing to happen in my life.  Not to down play all my blessings but Christopher is my best friend. He knows me so well; better then I know myself; which many times freaks me out and can frustrate the hell out of me (he can read me like a book).  He has been my best Advocate, besides Jesus. He wants me to be happy.  He is my best friend. So even when I am looking around and thinking, things are such a mess, right in the middle of it all is my Best Friend, Christopher, standing there saying, it will be okay, we will get through whatever it is.  

Day 6 - After the Test, on to real life

Picture found http://wallpaperslot.com/wallpaper-the-last-rays-of-light-21660.php

If you had read my previous post, you would know that I was doing the Five Day Pouch Test, which is a five day diet (for the lack of a better word) for people that have had Weight Loss Surgery (WLS) but who have lost their way be incorporating foods into their diet that cause them to gain weight.  It helps you get back on track.

Well, I went through the first two days of liquids and let me just tell you, that I survived! :-)

But, to the chagrin of my husband, by the end of each day I was irritable and ready to EAT! I didn't cave but I was SO ready for the third day which is soft protein (i.e. tuna and eggs).  It was awesome to have food again! And it really did work. I am recognizing when I am full and I stop eating. I feel full but not stuffed, which usually makes me sick anyway.  I am so happy! I feel in control and when you feel like other aspects of your life are completely out of your control (face it, most things in our lives are out of our control); it is so nice to feel in control of what you are putting into your body. 

Not that it has been completely easy. This whole week has been laden with threats to my happiness. The very first day, I went to class and the professor decided to bring pie for the whole class! Really? Really Universe?! Then everywhere I went had candy just laying around, it was like freakin Halloween around me!  But I didn't falter!

I then moved on to the fourth day which is Firm Protein (i.e. ground meat, halibut) and then the fifth day was Solid Protein (i.e. chicken, STEAK!).  I also added steamed veggies because we shouldn't be living on meat alone! I have also been trying out different protein drinks and some of those things are disgusting!  What are people thinking making items so gross that people can't actually swallow the drink?  But I have found a few that I can swallow and I am actually growing used to them and are starting to enjoy protein shakes (never in my life did I think I would say that.)

I am so proud of me and I have already lost weight (six pounds, even if it's water weight, it counts folks!).

So now I am eating smaller portions, less goodies and I feel overall better. Yay, for healthy living! 

Below are tips that I think anyone should follow, WLS or not.

Eating Behaviors for Success: found at Dukehealth.org

• Eat slowly and be aware of when you feel full. When you feel full, stop eating!
• Chew, chew, chew! You need to make sure you chew your food very well before you swallow it. This makes it easier to digest and pass from your gastric pouch into your small intestine.
• Drink enough fluid between meals to meet your fluid requirements. You need six to eight cups of fluid per day to prevent dehydration.
• Avoid food and beverages high in sugar. High sugar foods can cause "dumping syndrome." After gastric bypass surgery, some people feel light-headed, sweaty, or faint soon after consuming concentrated sugar.
• Limit high fat foods. These foods may make you feel nauseated. They are also high in calories and will slow down your weight loss. Using a low-fat, reduced-fat, or light version of a product is okay.

Day 1 - taking back control

(Picture found at www.healthinmotion.wordpress.com)

So I have been feeling completely out of control with my eating. I eat almost anything and if it has chocolate in it, it's a no brainer and I eat it.  Well, I just haven't been eating the way I should and it has cost me.  I have gained a ton of weight over the last 4 years. 


For those of you that didn't know, I went through Gastric Bypass Surgery, specifically Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass [RYGBP], back in 2000.  I grew up overweight and everyday thought about how overweight I was and that I needed to lose weight.  I went to doctor's and I went to dietitians and tried diets.  But in the end, I decided to have surgery (which sounds nonchalant but really it took a few years, fights with insurance companies and real soul searching).  


There are times when I regret having surgery and in some ways I am ashamed that I couldn't do it on my own.  BUT I look at all of the wonderful things that I have experienced in my life and I can't help but think that if I hadn't done the surgery, I wouldn't have had those experiences.  At the same time, who knows what I would have done and I have to live with my choices.  I am a different person because of the surgery.  And little do people realize that just because you have the surgery, it doesn't mean your problems are over.  I didn't realize it either.

After surgery you have to relearn how eat. You are literarily like a baby, you start with liquids and then move to pureed foods and then to soft solids, and then firm solids. Through this process you lose a ton of weight. I lost over 100 pounds.  But as in many things in life, you plateu and then your effort through healthy eating and exercise truly kick in.  Well, I was good, exercising and eating well, but slowly I started to incorporate foods that I should not be eating, like carbohydrates and not the Good-for-you-Kind (fruit), but the kind that taste oh so good! (white bread anyone?!)  And I also started to fall into old habits, like emotional eating.  So after four years of this, I have gained a ton of weight back that I had originally lost.  


I have reached a breaking point.  I need to do something to better my body, mind and overall health.  I am so unhappy with my body and there are no shortcuts, even with surgery. Just. Hard. Work. So here I am at what feels like square one.  As I have been eating things that I shouldn't I have lost the feeling of my Pouch (the smaller stomach made by the surgery) and so this week I have started the Five Day Pouch Test.  My hope is that I can get things under control and regain my life. Today is the first day and even though I feel at times hungry, I know that I am not and that it is my brain playing with me.  It is so nice to have that distinction between real hunger and hunger induced because I am (Fill in the Blank, i.e. bored, sad, happy etc.)  


This is Day 1 & 2 of the pouch test: (All information about the pouch test is from http://www.5daypouchtest.com/plan/days1_2.html)


"The first two days are all liquids. You can have as many low-carb protein shakes as you like to satisfy hunger or cravings. In addition drink at least six 8-ounce glasses of water each day. The purpose of all liquids is to break any snacking, grazing or processed carbohydrate habits. In addition the liquids will work to cleanse your system and prepare you for the following three days." 


Day 1 down!

Responsibility:  

the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for  something

This definition of responsibility is a hard one because you are only human, you may eat a lot of crow.  That has been my world for the past few months.  Eating crow doesn't taste good, in fact it makes you not want to "eat" at all.   The only thing that keeps me going is this knowledge: I am an honest person and am willing to be brave enough to admit mistake or error. I will do my best, and when my best isn't enough, I will admit and correct it.  I do not try to deceive people or to hide things from people, if I make a mistake I will tell you (own it) and try to make it right.  Unfortunately, some people can't accept your apology or willingness to make a correction. They do not accept the fact that you are human, that you may have been overloaded and instead come at you with every mistake and fault of you.  They can't move on.  Well, fortunately for me, I can move on because I have chosen too. 

gratefulness

There are many times in life when I need to be more grateful and I often wake up to it at the strangest moments, but at least I wake up to it.  

I teach in primary a combined class of 6 to 7 year olds.  They were on something today because it felt like the hour was going on forever.  

But, as I was sitting there trying to keep them on point I felt a huge surge of Gratitude.  I felt how the Lord loved each of these children and then I felt a ton of Love for me.  I haven't felt that kind of Heavenly Love in a long time.  And then I felt Grateful.

I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual... O how I laugh when I think of my vague indefinite riches. No run on my bank can drain it for my wealth is not possession but enjoyment.

Henry David Thoreau